May 30, 2012

I'm Sorry

Sometimes I wish that I could go back in time and take back things that I have said and done, and things that I haven't said or done. I think we all feel like this. But my Nunna always says that we can never have regrets, because they help us grow into the people that we are going to be. I wish that I could take back all the mean things that I have ever said. People can be stupid, mean and uncaring but that doesn't mean that I should recipricate it back.
Tonight I was mean to this guy that I would call a friend. I think I've been leading him on for a very long time which is an unkind act in itself. I know what I'm doing, I'm not stupid. He's a good guy, so innocent and ready to believe anyone, and tonight I called him stupid. I went that one step further and compared him to one of my friends, who was once like a sister to me. Sometimes I get so tired, or stressed or effected by my day that I say/ do things that I would never normally say/do. So, I want to say sorry for the past and for the future.

TO Greg....
I'm sorry about tonight. Sometimes I can be the worlds biggest bitch, I should just wear a sign on my head that says "I'm a bitch tonight". There is no excuse for what I said, and even if I felt a certain way about our relationship, but bluntness was not necessary.


To Claire....
I wanted to change to make myself who I really am, and although I'm sorry we grew apart, I'm even more sorry that I didn't help you grow up with me. You were one of my first friends here, and I will forever be thankful for that. But I can't change who I am, and I'm tired of trying to change who you are. You are beautiful just the way you are, and I never want you to change, especially not because of me.



To Dania...
I'm sorry for calling you names all the time... behind your back. I know you think we're friends, but that's kind of what gets me. We used to be friends but you just kept back stabbing me, and throwing my trust straight back into my face. I get frustrated by you because you pretend to be something, and someone you are not. People are never going to love you when you pretend to be someone else. We already about this, obviously, but you never listen to me. You said "I don't know who I am... tell me who I am"... it's a testiment to our relationship when I say I don't know. I'm sorry I call you names behind your back, and avoid you at all costs.


To Stevo...
There are so many things that I have done wrong in our relationship. I never really committed because I was always too scared that you would run away. We both aren't perfect, and I think we know that which is what I love about us. You would travel distances to see me and brave seeing my dad, but I couldn't even brave the bus to your place. I'm so scared that one day I'll wake up and you wont be there, but on the other hand, I'm so scared that I'll wake up and you'll be there. I can't stop myself from talking to you, and wanting cuddles but I can explain wanting to stay away from you so I don't hurt you, and you don't hurt me.

To Anthea...
I'm sorry I put you in this position. I know how stressed you are getting about it. Truth be told Parker deserves to have you at his party. He is such a great friend, and you are such an awesome person, it would be wrong if you weren't there. I'm willing to give up you for my birthday party because I know that I share a bed with you, and see you more that 12 hours a day. 


To Harrison...
I'm so sorry that I couldn't be strong enough to protect you. Every time you fell down, I fell down double and I just couldn't find my way back up last year. I would get your letters and just sit there are cry. I honestly felt like I was the weakest person out there. I couldn't protect you from broken hearts or bones, from stupid teachers or students. I know I have been a little bit over protective lately, but only because I know that I have so much to make up for. When you were little you used to follow me around and I hated it. I would push you away and make games like "Ditch Harrison"... you followed me around because you loved me. I never want to push you away again, and I only want you to be happy. So I'm sorry for ever pushing you away, and for not being strong enough. But for you and Bells, I am trying to be better.


2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You can't stop talking to me because im way to sexy haha. To bad you used the worst photo of me ;P <3

Anonymous said...

You are a fantastic person